Because thats the life i wanna have with my love girl .. not with a man .

I don't know where I can start but I married with a man and he doesn't know that i am lesbian. i feel bad for him and i feel so sad for myself. i wish i could marry a woman who i really  love. but i know i have no choice because  i have to hide that i am lesbian from my family. i can't let them know that . so i married with a man they know and they agree. now i don't wanna have sex and do anything with him but i don't know how to tell him that. if he knows i'm lesbian my family will know. i feel like nobody will understand me and i will never find a woman can love me and stay with me. and i like soft butch so is even harder for me to find the right person. i feel so lonely and i don't know what to do.

Everytime when i see lesbian couples i will get very sad and cry . Because thats the life i wanna have with my love girl .. not with a man .